Cancer

It's not about zodiac thing.

I just followed a friend on IG, so I started browsing on her pics.

Stumbled on a post about World Cancer Day, and her caption about it.
She lost her 2yo son, her firstborn, because of cancer.

I lost my 44yo Mother, because of cancer.

It is still painful remembering all those painful days, she was so much in pain, and us too.

I had always been dreaming that my Mom would recover, even when she passed away, I still dreamed that she recovered.  The conversation was "syukurlah Mami so sembuh.." kinda thing..
My top list wish that I could never make it happen.

My throat is soaring by now..

So much money was spent during her stay in the hospital.
My friend's caption on her post reminded me that sometime ago, it came across my mind that those who are suffering with cancer really need a lot of money.  Those rich people can go abroad for a better medication, although still, you can't guess the end result.  But those poor people? cancer ngga pilih-pilih latar belakang.  Terpikirlah suatu waktu yang lalu kalo gua dengan kemampuan gua, gimana caranya untuk bantu orang-orang itu.
Something draws me back.
I still couldn't bear meeting people with cancer, specially if I have to step in the hospital.
Oh my..  I tried so hard already not to stress about it, about how "unfair" life had been, my Mother was a good person, like "what has she done that it had do end that way?".
I'm afraid that if I do that kind of charity, it's gonna even make me in deeper pain and stress..

Maybe it is not my call..
or maybe another time..

God be with me.