What to do?

Happy Sabbath. It's been the second time I'm writing on the same day for two weeks in a row.

Here I am, staying alone. All friends went to Surabaya for Mount Bromo hike. I decided to stay way long since I know they were going because I have to go to the office, decided to stay because I want to save my permits, and if Monday is another holiday, then I would have left with them. NO regrets, though.. I stayed cuz it's kinda tiring too..

What happened so far? lot's of shocking things happened!! I never had imagined it would go that way.. well it proofed some things to me, though.. some? guess more than just some!! proofed good and disappointing things at once.. and.. which decision to take? for goodness sake, it's really hard to.. yea, and I feel like crying now.. I hardly manage between feelings and logic.. mmmhhh.. it's just.. there are things that I know I have to let go, but then, there are things happened that made me don't want to let go.. the clock is ticking..
hours passed.. I got to decide something so uneasy.. got me crazy.. leaving all these behind just like that, or living a live that I can picture on mind?

I can't do it!!!! But I have to do it!! To go or to let go... oh my!!! How hard it is!!! Well, those memories.. memorable, I admit.. went to a lot of things together.. how I wish you could decide many things for yourself... (okay, so my tears starts to drop now..) how I wish.. you could manage your life decisions all yourself.. how I wish.. I wish you could have no guilty feelings to others.. as well as what I am suppose to be doing.. Everything is so uneasy for me... :( it's been long and deep.. can't just leave everything in a snap..